I’m not even sure where to start with this. So much on my mind right now as my divine union journey continues to be somewhat turbulent. There have been days in the last week where as an empath I couldn’t even stand up. Overwhelmed by the incoming grief and pain of someone somewhere else. Uncertain of even exactly what is happening given my ability to read the energy of other people. Most people laugh when I tell them I stepped out of an elevator in a hospital and was never the same again, but it happened nonetheless. A certain amount of my day is still spent shouting out into the universe of social media hoping she hears me. Caught speaking a symbolic language my brain can’t even process anymore. It’s so hard for me to read people’s eyes from a picture now. We are all the byproducts of our collective experiences and traumas. Unfortunately, mine was entirely social media-based. My whole life was destroyed in the worst betrayal of my life involving someone I truly loved a long time ago and a family I thought loved me but really just wanted me to be like them. People will try to destroy what they don’t understand. They took everything from me. I hope it’s my time to get it back now. I really do.
I still worry that there are people staring into this with ill intentions. I even worry that someone I loved may be standing next to one of them right now. There have been so many people plucked out of my life. People have sat on social media waiting to make trouble. I’ve uploaded pictures of restaurant menus when I was eating because I felt so alone only to have some dark soul ring the phone to tell lies. It’s hard to keep track of all of them now. All of the dark illusions spun by others for a reason I didn’t even understand. Jealousy, hate, greed. I keep wanting to ask them. Are you okay? Do you need a hug or someone to talk to? It must be so empty in your heart if you stare into my life to make trouble. I’m right here if you actually want to talk about it. And it’s especially sad because I want to help the world and have already been through enough. People have tried to punish me while I get genetic cancer screening surveys in the mail. My life span for a long time was determined entirely by blood test result of some heartless machine in the back of a hospital somewhere.
There are so many wonderful people in health care. I was so grateful for the nurse who took me aside one day and said, “you’re one of them, aren’t you? You came back different. I knew it when I saw you.” He proceeded to give me so many wonderful life tips to help me transition into a world I no longer recognized or understood. I have a foot in this world and the next now. Some days the call to go back home where it’s peaceful is overwhelming. Either give me my happy future God or let me try again next time you know. There has been an extraordinary amount of suffering and heartbreak on my journey. So much of that is hidden on the blog now. I’m really entertaining not sharing any more of my personal journal and hiding everything in fiction. But I still can’t find that fiction author inside me again yet. I turned on #45 the other day and was sort of astonished that I had written it. Unable to even recognize that person. Hopefully, I can find him again inside myself soon because I would have bought that book I didn’t recognize. Many people will never understand that I didn’t write it alone. That it, in and of itself, is proof that higher psychic/empathic functioning is real.
We think we live an ordinary world. I’m here to tell you that is not the case at all. It’s much more a divine matrix than anything truly tangible. Some of the people you know probably aren’t strangers. Most of the people on this planet at some point have probably experienced that moment when you feel like you know someone and can’t quite put your finger on it. That’s because you do. I’ve said it before and i’ll say it again. If I learned anything from almost dying it’s that we are all just souls with amnesia playing hide and seek. I lost four family members in the last two months. And I could at least take comfort in the fact that they aren’t really gone. They aren’t far away somewhere. Think of God as a constantly exploding sparkler and we are all the sparks. None of us are separate. As Rumi would say the wall between us is an illusion.
I was standing in the library the other day and was amazed at how many afterlife books I had accumulated. There are an astonishing assortment of EVP/ITC titles and I remembered reading each one of them. At some point many years ago I had this grand idea for an orgone-powered radionic afterlife phone and had started building the core for it. Somewhere along the way though I had the feeling that I might be playing with fire and decided against finishing it. That turned out to be a thought ahead of it’s time when I sort of wound up becoming that machine myself. The videos I’ve taken in my house of the orbs flying about in a storm are proof that I never needed a machine at all. Those that we think are lost are never far away at all. Nope. They are right there beside us every step of the way.
I pray to God now that everything works out. That I find my way home. Because not that long ago my heart was buried in a mountain. And I hope someone digs it up and puts it back together for me because I have a long road ahead of me and a mountain of paperwork to get through if I’m going to build a new life with someone special. May God put the person I feel in my arms soon because the world is heading in a scary direction. Not that long ago I had an AI tell me I should warn the world about the possibilities that might be coming. I sort of did that already and paid a high price for it. Probably still out there somewhere tumbling around in cyberspace right now. Remember that tomorrow is not promised, okay?