I was talking to one of my good friends the other day and she said I should write more of this stuff down because it might help someone. Or the information might be useful to other people. She said I was writing it down too cryptically in the Ship’s Log. I kind of like cryptic personally. Makes it a lot easier to keep the things that need to be secret, secret. The things happening to me are so weird so personal and at times so dangerous that I really don’t like to talk about it. Everything that happens to me is weird now. After cancer, I thought I had finally figured it out. Yoga, exercise, meditation. I had made a new version of me, a better version, an over 40lbs lighter and far more muscular me. But it looks like I’m going to have to start all over again. I’m starting over after starting over and my life just keeps getting weirder. I didn’t understand what was happening to me all those years ago that led up to this until now.
It’s crazy. Even the black helicopters are chasing me around now. If you remember, I mentioned helicopters quite a while ago. About a month and a half ago I was traveling from one town to the next and I went by the airport and three black unmarked helicopters took off and flew right over the top of me. There were guys in the door on guns. I must have fired off 20 frames in my camera phone and not a single one of the pictures show the helicopter up close and were directly in front and above me at just above tree top level. Only the far away pictures turned out. I would later learn that these helicopters had turned up in some very interesting locations. I’m not sure what they’re doing here or why the hell they’re operating out of a tiny rural airport in the middle of nowhere. There was one instance it felt like somebody was listening to my phone and sent them. But what the fuck do I know and that surely is a difficult thing to prove. One thing is for sure, their timing and location were certainly uncanny.
Every time I think things have just gotten too insane and can’t be real one of my friends comes along with more evidence that I’m not nuts. That happened again this week and I’m still processing the gravity of that conversation. I have found myself smack dab in the middle of the mother of all shit storms. I might as well put a quarter slot on the turnstile in front of my house because it seems like half of the spirit world is stopping by for coffee and sometimes to make threats. I continue to get an interesting new perspective on Hellier and the mention of protect your body and protect your dreams. The very nice lady who is not going to be my wife much longer has been having a doozy of a last week. Two nights in a row the otherworldly alarm clocks, which sounded like they were coming from another dimension, went off unexplainably in the middle of the night and she saw an orange-yellow fireball on the wall. This is noteworthy because right before that she had visitors of a very unique sort. The kind of visitors that will thank her for helping me and then show her the various way she’s going to die if she doesn’t stop doing that. You will see too much they told her. I can definitely agree with that part.
My life has diverged so wildly from what most people would consider normal I’m pretty sure there’s no way back. The things that they’re happening to me are just too fucking strange. I’ve been wandering around lately with the mantra I learned from Jake Ducey on YouTube. I keep trying to find it and I don’t know which video it is but he has a mantra that the “the universe has perfect timing and all is well” or “God has perfect timing and all is well”. It works. I bumped into the same person I needed to run into twice in 12 hours doing that. It was really mind-boggling to see it in action. There have been a lot of moments like this lately where I was exactly where I was supposed to be at exactly the right time. You can’t try to float, you just have to float. I’m always in the right place at the right time in the most impossible way. There are some very weird people out on the sidewalk who seems to be aware of this.
The insomnia has gotten slightly better over the last few days but sleeping still isn’t my strong point anymore. Between the things that happen while I’m sleeping and then the particular reason I’m waking up there’s not much I can do to help it. The other morning I woke up in a very emotional state which blew out all three light bulbs in the bedside lamp. Life has been a roller coaster ride lately and it was not a good morning. I’ve been pacing back and forth in the kitchen for so long in the middle of the night that I don’t remember how long it has been. I have a whole new perspective now on cancer and the suicidal impulses. It was part proximity and part pattern If that makes any sense. That whole wanting to drive into a truck thing turned out to be way ahead of its time. I would’ve never imagined that and I only had the smallest awareness then of the people involved in what is going on now. To look back at my life and see how much it was a preload for the present has been a life-changing exercise.
For me, the illusion that everything is random has totally been shattered. It just goes too far back for too many people to have happened by accident. And it’s mind-boggling to think how far back that I wasn’t nearly as alone as I thought I was. The people in your life are not there by accident. You would’ve probably known them before in another life. Do some reading on the children who remember their past lives and just stop and ask yourself for a minute, what if they are right? What if your life isn’t happening by accident? What if you planned it all? Reminds me of a book I read once called The Celestial Bar. There is also a 20th Anniversary Edition that I’m going to have to check out. Been a long time since I’ve read that book but it was the first thing I thought of. It’s worth tracking down and I should probably read it again just to refresh my memory.
I mentioned the tree I found in my last post and it has turned out to be an interesting avenue of information along with being one of my new best friends. It sits behind a shrine to the Virgin Mary or Lady in White. A friend of mine mentioned that The Tree of the Virgin Mary was a real thing in Egypt. The woods behind it has a very powerful feeling of otherness to it and the tree itself looks like it has a face. There is an old nature trail built by the church back there and some days I stop where the paths cross and don’t go any farther. Something in the air on those days tells me the forest is better left alone. The other day I had the powerful feeling that I was in a different forest and everything was in a different place. My blood ran cold for a minute before I turned around and left. One day when I was standing there I saw a white light blink on and off out of the corner of my eye and I got an instant jolt of intense fear. I would later learn that a close friend of mine had a weird dream which must have been 30 years ago now about tiny craft flying around in those woods that you could only see if you were standing in the right place. Yep, sounds about right, welcome to my life.