7/5
I keep trying to write blogs posts and it is so hard right now. My entire life has been hit by a tornado of shit. Let me tell you right now that more people should listen to George Hansen and Jeff Ritzmann carefully. I knew what I was doing though and ran right for it. And I got it too. Wow. Blood flew out of my head Eleven-style 3 separate times, one of the nosebleeds was extremely severe. The ceiling in my kitchen blew out to reveal the vision I wrote about months ago including the burned beam. This astonishing event also provided easy plumbing access for some bathroom magic I’ve been working on which is a whole story in itself. Most of what has happened to me isn’t really something I can write down at this point. It’s just too personal, painful, and life-changing. Like a stick of dynamite in your entire life kind of life-changing. I have been broken on the floor many times. Every time I sat down to write I was in a state of shellshock. Too much trauma.
The airplane crashes and mall shootings were bad enough. Before I forget, the refueling crash off the coast of Japan happened after that particular vision involving my grand mother’s house. It crashed right on top of me and I woke up thinking about the fireball. Once the car crashes started, it got really bad. Imagine a home movie shot from the passenger seat of a high-speed automobile crash involving someone special in your life and it is stuck in your head. Even though that person walked away and avoided serious penalties under impossible circumstances. I haven’t even been able to get rid of that one. Watching someone you love halfway out of the seat right before impact sticks with you. It fucking haunts me.
Being psychic is the fastest way I know to get more trauma than you can handle in one sitting. I have seen terrible things in my journey to help someone. Awful things that nobody deserved and never should have happened. The insomnia has been going on a long time now which I learned was related to the time of a particularly traumatic event. I just sit up in my bed wide awake instantly. I honestly can’t remember the last time I got some real sleep. I’m getting a lot more stuff done now that I’m sleeping less but not really the best combination with the trauma or the emotional stress right now.
7/25
I’m sitting here again with a keyboard in my hand, staring at the wall, mind racing. It’s been 20 days since I’ve been able to write anything. Things have continued imploding and exploding. Just a few nights ago I took a car trip because of the guidance given to a question I asked in meditation. I got my answer. I expect more explosions before the retrograde is over. It has been an impossible time. My experience over the last year has been at times like the life of a soldier. Constant mayhem and trauma interrupted by brief periods of trying to figure out how to keep going before the next thing explodes. Betrayal, heartbreak, despair, car crashes, plane crashes, violent images of the future, and a never-ending stream of impossible things.
Just the other morning I woke up suddenly because two beings that looked like black shrouded nuns were crowding me into a corner as I was kneeled down. Scared the crap out of me and I’m pretty used to this kind of stuff. Thank God for Jeff Ritzmann who knew that these beings were called “Alad” and had some good advice for me. I can’t begin to express how grateful I am for my friends on Twitter. Some of you have helped me more than I could ever express in words. There are few of you who kept me going when I wanted to sink below the waves. You know who you are.
Synchronicity and absurdity flow into my life like a river now. My solar plexus is the radar I follow around and rarely does it miss an opportunity to teach me something. A few weeks ago I followed the message of a woodpecker to a magic tree with a face on it behind a lady in white. I made a new tree friend but I’m at a loss to understand what it all adds up to. Always more questions tumbling out of a box in the sky. I’m losing track of it now. It’s just with me always. Just like the person I hope to get to if God takes mercy on my soul. I’ll write more when I can, until then I’ll just be lost behind the far side of the sun…