Star Trek Home Decorating: Total Chaos Condition Red

A spaceship cabin looking out into space

Jesus Built My Starship Bridge

Every so often you come across something on the internet that is so mind-boggling it’s hard to distill into words. We are going to have one of those moments right now. Here we have the Star Trek home decorating of Pastor Mani Erfan. He met Jesus Christ while studying engineering at the University of Florida in 1987. The experience inspired him to start his own satellite TV ministry which eventually led to an epic Star Trek man cave. Further proof that Jesus, like Elvis, was from space.

Pastor Erfan is a member of POTUS Shield which is tasked with protecting President Trump and his family with prayer. Wow, talk about a stressful job, he would need someplace to relax. Where do you even start with a problem like that? I’m not sure what Jesus is up to here but he should probably check the two-person shower with the optional FUN button for impure thoughts.

If you have the budget to swing something like this it could be a fantastic addition to your home. We’ve all had those days where you just need to shut off the outside world. You could totally disappear into a spaceship inside your house. Nope, not taking calls right now, I’m busy orbiting Kleptak43. Just remember to install a button to summon the gardener so someone can take care of your epic shrubbery.

I wonder what would happen if aliens tried to abduct Pastor Mani. Would they beam into his bedroom and then freak out when they find themselves on another spaceship? And what if Pastor Mani was able to subdue them during the confusion? Would he become the alien abductor?

To the Battle Stations!

I hope Pastor Mani remembered to program in the alert levels. If that was an oversight for some reason, he should contact our next Star Trek home decorating advocate, Pastor Roger Jones. Every starship captain needs a good alert system because you never know when those pesky evil aliens will pop out of a portal and turn the space between you into lions. Or worse yet, when those soul-sucking household chores are threatening to invade. Send mundanity out the airlock and celebrate victory with a moon-themed cocktail of your choosing.

What I really like about this video is that it looks very affordable. You don’t have to blow a bunch of money to get good atmosphere. There may be some technical considerations here but I think it would be achievable by most homeowners. Paster Roger even has all his worship albums organized into one place so that he can find them easily during his treks out into the galaxy. Nothing quite says, “Not now, I’m karate fighting Khan!” like the rousing chorus of Addicted to Jesus. I’m still trying to grasp this whole Jesus and Star Trek connection but it reminds me of Gene Roddenberry’s involvement with those trippy channeling sessions involving the Council of Nine.

It’s not entirely clear from the video exactly what he is using to control all this but I stumbled onto this video about the LCARS47 software. Get all your alert levels in one place and keep those evil space aliens at bay.

 The Other Kind of Spaced Out

Our next Star Trek home decorating aficionado might need to activate the red alert. Redecorating the house while your significant other is in another state is probably more dangerous than adjusting the antimatter ratio without talking to Spock first. This was the last video posted so we can only guess at the outcome.

One thing is for sure, a VR gaming holodeck is a fantastic idea if you can spare the space. You’ve got a lot of cables to deal with so a dedicated room makes things a little easier. A cable management system would also be a good idea depending on your preference. Re-living the Betty & Barney Hill abduction while playing The Dinner Party in your very own holodeck has the potential to fry some synapses. It could easily turn into one of those rooms you forget to leave. I think that this is one of the rare times when yellow paint is OK.

My biggest concern here is the lack of red alert mode combined with a surprised spouse. And we can’t forget that we are vulnerable to hostile alien invasion while we are battling aliens in virtual reality. If the aliens make it to your PC they will no doubt attempt to lock you into some sort of virtual reality hellscape matrix. Unobstructed vision plays an important part in the creation of precision karate chops.  Remember that important piece of advice while you wonder if this has already happened to you.

Please Beam Down to the Basement

There are a variety of things that may motivate a homeowner to do some Star Trek home decorating. Most of them in some way related to a love for a television program. In the rarer cases, we see them inspired by the love of a particular character. The following basement renovation is dedicated to one of the greatest starship captains ever, Captain Kirk. When he wasn’t busy karate chopping alien bad guys, or saving the crew from total destruction at the last minute, he was busy making the interstellar ladies swoon. He certainly caught the eye of one nice lady living in Quebec.

Her basement is a good example of what you can get done with a reasonable budget and some imagination. You don’t need tons of LCARS panels to pull off the effect. Having a little extra ceiling height doesn’t hurt either. Something like this is well within the reach of most homeowners. Imagine chilling out after a long workday with Spock and a Lost in Space Martini down in your basement starship. Doesn’t sound like a bad idea at all.

Judging by the side-eye she is throwing out of that bathtub it’s time for the camera crew to leave so Captain Kirk can beam down. You can bet that cardboard cutout is in the closet to avoid questions about its relative dampness and the fingernail scratches. Set your lady-phasers to stun! GRRRR.


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